Worcester Woman has changed but still has rights

Crikey. What's happened to Worcester Woman? At one time the small town, demure working mum was considered a model of decorum and being wooed by politicians ranging from John Major to Tony Blair – who all wanted her hand at election time.

Now Worcester woman is a mum-of-four who looks like Barbie at a fetish party and is banned from three local nightclubs because bouncers believe that, at 28, she is too old for the eye-popping dresses which show off her silicone enhanced 36DD chest. One suspects neither Cameron, Clegg nor Miliband would quite know what to do with Lisa Woodland, even though her ex-partner insists the medical secretary is a model mother who puts the needs of her children first. We are told she is a veritable soccer mum, who had her children young and should not be vilified simply because she likes flaunting her sizeable assets in barely-there dresses when she goes out on the town every other weekend.

But whatever anybody thinks about Lisa's penchant for showing off her size six figure in low cut tops and pelmet skirts, it doesn't give nightclub bouncers in Worcester the right to act like small town bullies and publicly humiliate her.

Ageism and sexism shouldn't just apply to educated professionals who are just as likely to use backpacks and Botox to recapture their youth after a crisis of confidence. Women like Lisa may not look like Miriam O' Reilly or work for the BBC, but they can be victims too.

Somehow I can't see Miriam's new charity – Women's Equality Network – helping women like Lisa whose ambitions are no loftier than overcoming the sexist policies stopping her from getting into the local bop. The politicians who spent years trying to woo Worcester woman are also just as unlikely to defend her honour by tackling door policies that allow burly men to treat women like cattle.

Unless she decides to join the Maggie Thatcher revival and swap her sexy dresses and long blond locks for crimplene frocks and short shampoo and set, Lisa is on her own. A lost cause. Worcester woman has become a Scousewife.

In the meantime, the women of Warminster and Wells had better look out. If Worcester woman is dead, politicians will be on the look-out for some new alliteration before the next election.

Doting dad David Beckham says he is so delighted to have a daughter to join sons Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz that he still pinches himself when he sees baby Harper.

"Everything is feminine about her," he says. "The way she moves, eats and smiles. It's amazing to have a daughter after three boys."

I wonder if Harper will grow up more or less secure in herself than little Sasha Laxton who was brought up 'gender neutral' until he went to school because his parents Becki Laxton and Kieran Cooper didn't want him stereotyped.

Letting him play with dolls as well as Lego and wear whatever clothes he liked were all perfectly normal things to do, but referring to him as 'the infant' and posting an internet video of him saying it's silly to talk about the differences between boys and girls could end up haunting him and his well meaning parents.

"Stereotypes seem fundamentally stupid. Why would you want to slot people into boxes?" said his mum.

Not everybody likes boxes, especially if they are the wrong ones, but they make lots of people feel secure.

What makes people insecure is not living up to the label their parents or the rest of the world places on them. Here's hoping little Harper is pretty enough for brand Beckham and that Sasha does not turn out to be macho man. The world is now watching and waiting to find out.

Simon Cowell has come clean and said he made a few mistakes last year after Britain's Got Talent and X Factor slumped in the TV ratings.

According to the 52-year-old, he got "a bit too cocky" and the resulting fall in popularity has forced him to put his ego in check.

I've a horrible feeling, Simon, that it's not you, it's us. After watching faithfully since 2004, we were bored and glad to wave the relationship goodbye. Is it time for us all to accept it's over and move on before it all gets embarrassing?